Snowed in without the snow

I had the day off of work today because of a huge storm that was supposed to bring in more than a foot of snow.  My driveway had drifts of about a foot, but most of it was only about four to five inches high.  That being said, I was advised to cancel rehearsal tonight.  It's a tough decision to make and in the past I might not have made that decision, but this cast is full of three very hard workers and I can see them working on their lines tonight and making the time at home well spent (even if that means sleeping and getting prepared to be fresh on Friday).  I've spent the day sleeping and playing with my youngest daughter.  She is creative, intriguing, and very lovable.  I was thinking for a bit this morning about which daughter I love more.  I know that is maybe one of the worst things a parent can do, but my conclusion was strangely satisfying.  I always thought it was crap when parents said they love both children equally.  I remember when Imogene was born, just a baby, not able to interact in any "human" way.  I thought to myself, that she was nowhere as interesting as her older sister.  Today I thought about both of them again and found myself wondering, if I had to lose one of them who would it be.  I couldn't decide.  How different my life would be without either of them.  I live for my family, especially on the days when I don't want to live or get up and experience life.  I keep going because they are alive and need to me.  I would give them anything they need even if it is me living in pain as opposed to ending my life.  Without them, I would probably not be alive today, so I guess I owe them my life.  Who do I love more?  Impossible to decide.  It helps me realize that thoughts and outlooks change without people even realizing it.  I can't remember when I went from thinking that loving two people equally was crap, but at some time, when I was not aware, my consciousness changed.  My brain turned to a whiteout and when the snow cleared my mind was rearranged.  Now if I could only clear the snow in my brain now, I might be able to once again see and think clearly.